Premise:

A bunch of evil guys killed your father for no real reason. You are Ryu Hayabusa, and you must hit the streets and kill random people because random people suck. Go through some random places, and beat up more random guys and bosses. Get frustrated by the final level and turn off the damn power. The end.

I've Fought This Creature Before - 4

Ninja Gaiden is part of a long tradition of rip-offs... er, homages to the Castlevania series. Since the Belmonts came, they have been regurgitated in many forms. It seems as though Tecmo belched the Castlevania status bar and gameplay concepts. Ah well, it was 1989. If you're going to rip off, you should rip off from the best.

Purty Backgrounds - 5

You have to give Tecmo credit; Ninja Gaiden sports some of the best graphics on the NES. Not only are they really spiffy and beautiful (for the most part), but there's not alot of slowdown or flicker. Oh yeah, the cinema scenes rock. That's sad, because I wanted to complain about something.

Go from point A to B... - 3

Like many NES action games, NG is very linear. How linear, you ask? As linear as other NES titles. Sorry, sonny, there's none of that fancy 4-directional scrolling you see in SMB3 and Bionic Commando. Nosiree bob. I shouldn't hold that against an NES game, but I need to set up my next point somehow.

... and go from point C to B 100 times - 0

NG is one of the cheapest games I own (or the only cheap game with any redeeming qualities, at least). It is true in both senses; I got it for a mere $0.50 at a rummage sale, and cetain portions of the gameplay are real cheap. If you die against the last boss, you are whisked back to stage 6-1, and have to deal with the cheap, frustrating jumps of three stages in order to fight the boss again. Lather, rinse, and repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

My Name Is Bob. You Are Evil. - 2

Sometimes, I wonder how programmers could survive with the limited processor of the NES. Then I knew that the enemies had the intelligence of a hybrid of rat feces, a Square translator, and people who take cheap shots at games such as myself. Hi, I'll kill you my walking forward and waving my sword in the air. D'oh, I'm dead. Help me. However, those damn flying monkeys and birds seem to be supergeniuses, and the guys at Tecmo decided to make them stronger than the worthless human grunts Jaquio sent to kill you.

Overall - 2.75

Technically, this game should get a 2.8, but I decided to dock it 0.05 because I am evil and you are a puny Earthling. I so horny. Have a nice day.
Pics courtesy of Zany Video Game Quotes

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